A Step Too Far?

I'm probably going to get sued for this. And/ or lose all of my followers. And spend the rest of my days in a darkened room indulging in Iceland £5 buffets, like what we talked about. Code Red Situation.

I'm so sorry girls, I love you all, but I just can't hold it in any longer. I'm just not a big enough person (on the inside) to keep it from you.

It's just....well, it's just....it's......brogues.

I HATE THEM.

Phew! That felt good. It's so liberating to finally come out of the fashion closet and say it. It's taken so long, but daymmmmm, did that feel right. To hell with it, I'm going to do it again.

I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM. AJDIUEfhb mjvfujgvtjghnfdhfchnHATEjnsbrauihbvTHEM.

Sorry. Allow me to be rational about this one.....

It's not technically okay for me, as a fashion and beauty blogger, to say that right now. Brogues are the shoe du jour.

Well,  they can du jour off as fas as I'm concerned.

It's probably because- as a curvier woman (I like cake okay, get the fuck over it), I like to look as god intended. Now, I'm as heterosexual as the day is long but heaven knows there ain't many things sexier than a womanly woman in all her finery. Betty Draper would not be seen dead in brogues. DEAD!

.....To be honest I simply can't get away with them. I made the mistake of trying them on. So flat footed, I was literally walking like a duck. And I'm all for shking my tailfeathers, but that was not a pretty site. Put me in a brogue and I become an animal woman. But not like a tiger or a lion or anything sexy like that. No. A waddler.

Maybe, in the deep subconscious of my massive head, I am just slightly miffed that I can't get away with them.

Maybe years of bullying over my shape have given me a fierce ambition to defend it.

And maybe I can't deny that Audrey Hepburn will always be a style queen in hers.

Or maybe I just have EYES!

It's time to look honestly in the mirror ladies and face up to it. Do you have the legs of a gazelle? I do not. Yes bravo those of you that do. But to the rest of us that were not spawned from the Angels of Long Limbs, ask yourself this:

If Topshop told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?!

Get yourself down to New Look or another reasonably priced high street outlet, grab yourself some sexy as hell heels.....and I'll go and have a lie down in mine now this rant is over.