Royal Britannia...a chance to wear this bag!

Now, I am no Royalist. I shan't give you my views here as I know a) none of you want to hear them and b) this would be the longest post in the history of beauty blogging.

But I do love a good wedding.

So when I got wind of this 'Kate and Wills' extravaganza, I was outwardly like 'meh', trying to be cool (my dad is, what in the 16th century they would have called a Cromwellite. If that's what they called them.). But also inwardly I was thinking 'I am SO watching that.' And making scones. And having some pimm's.

But I really don't think anyone can deny it was a beautiful wedding. Lots of inspiration there.....wonder if the boyfriend is reading this.......I know he will be as I'll make him :) *music from 'Psycho' here*

Obvs, in order to enjoy a Royal affair, scones and pimm's and all things patriotic, you need to dress right. Going on what I see on a day to day basis around town, British fashion nowadays could be mistaken for leggings, trainer *cringe* shoes and bad eyeshadow choices. But we know better than that don't we ladies? So I wore this...

Yes, the breton tee looks a little French on second viewing (damn, all those pastries have taken over my mind).....but I'm wearing a massive Union Jack bag, so haters, you know where the door's at.
I say congrats to the happy couple- it's nice to see some love in a world that can be so full of hate sometimes. Love is the thing you know. As well as a well applied lip. So grab your loved one and give them a smooch NOW. I know I will be.....hehe

Primark Haul

 Went on a little spree. Primark is one of those weird ones- sometimes you can go in and be like 'wowzarooni, bargains galore.' Other times you just want to cry because you can not believe someone would design such utter.....shit.

I went in to one store mid-week and came out with nothing. Went in to a different store today and came out with some good finds. A metaphorical pat on the back for me :)

I really liked this dress. Please bare in mind that the pics are after a glass (or two) of some lovely pignot grigio, so probs don't reflect the garments fairly. I really liked this dress, £15. It's a really bright red, a lace top and chiffony bottom. Perfect for swishing in. But make sure you're wearing you're big pants.

Thought this would be yet another way to wear the 'block colour' trend. I'm really loving that at the moment. Probably because I've always felt like a clown, so why not dress like one?! £8

 This top is actually fuschia pink. Boo for the terrible picture. I like the way casual tops like this now come with a lower back. No more bum exposure. If I see another woman's vpl as I peruse my beloved high street, I might- nay, will- definitely cry all the way home.

I didn't have a long enough arm to get this in. It's a long number. Tbh, it's not something I'd usually plump for. But the things that usually catch my eye in the shop turn in to little bloodyself confidence sappers in the changing room. Oh how many tears of mine the Primark changing rooms have seen. So I tried a different approach- and I'm pleased with the results. £17.

Earrings. Will mean massive earlobes in my twighlight years. What better achievement in life?! £3

Scarlett Johahaha you got nothin' on me love *cry*

Okay, take a look at these.......

If ever an advert has sold to me- in all its airbrushed glory- it is this one. Unfortunately, I can not afford Dolce and Gabbana. Or should that be fortunately? Cos I'd be racing down to John Lewis as we speak.

Yes, I know it's true- D& G won't make me look like that. Hell, not even Scarlett herself looks like that (anyone a fan of The Girl with a Pearl Earring?). I just really like to stare though.

So (please don't laugh)- feeling in a bit of a down place, I decided that, like countless of youtubers I've spent hours watching, I too would try to emulate the look. Major lols Thursday right? Yes- emulate the look with....the £4 in my pocket. Being as good looking as this *looks in mirror-mirror cracks* I knew it wouldn't be too much of a challenge.

In particular, I love this new ad....

Again- airbrushed to within inches of it's life. But actually makes taupe lips unbelievably attractive. Spot the difference....bet you can't.......

Me. Holding flower. Looking sexy/ like a duck. Success.

The coveted nude lip- achieved with MUA lipstick in Shade 11

Nails in Collection 2000 Hot Looks Parma Violet, £1.79


Flower- a huge mistake.

Beauty UK- Review

Couldn't really think of a funny/ tired sigh inducing pun for the title today. Must be losing my cheese factor. Anywhoo, I've been sent some products from the lovely gals down at Beauty UK. Well, they were sent a week or so ago but I've had to try them out to give you an honest review. Which this will be, obvs. I am nothing if not honest to the point of slightly cutting in some of my past feedback.

I have been sent 3 products- eye shadow collection in 6, glam nails nail polish in Cotton Candy (out soon) and liplust in no.2 diamond (out soon). So, everything to make up a look, basically (except for the umpteen layers of foundation that will be needed for my massive face).

Firstly, to the eyes.....

I love love love this palette. It's £3.99 for 10 shades, or two palettes for £6 atm I believe (informed by one very excited sister this morning).

I'll be clear- when I first saw this- especially the bright pink shade- I went all Mercedes from Glee on it and was like 'Hell to the no, ain't no way I'm putting that on my face.' And I was- as usual- correct. This is NOT the shade for eyes. Unless you have dark skin and dark eyes- ie, the opposite of me- just don't even bother. People WILL think you are diseased.

Money not wasted though- this colour is an absolutely fab blusher. Particularly with a tan. Though make sure it's fake, even in this lush weather, we keep the SPF slathered on to the max, don't we ladies.

I really like the purple. I don't think it would look so great with my natural hair colour. Fortunately however, I am a monthly dyer (if they don't have my shade of L'oreal Casting Creme Gloss in the local Superdrug when I call in on a certain date, they know they're in trouble.) And this colour is great for an alternative smokey eye (I'll do a FOTD with this soon). Really nice for smouldering summer nights....or sitting on your own on a computer looking out at said smouldering summer nights, as I am right now *sigh*.

Also love the bronze colours. Overall, very happy with this palette. I think it's an absolute bargain because the more vibrant shades are so heavily pigmented and last a long time. If you don't want to dare it, they put in a white colour to mix with. NB- Please PLEASE don't put this white colour on your eyes on its lonesome. You will look like chalk. And some kid will pick you up and write on the pavement with your face.

Colours swatched (badly).....

Right, N to the A it's nail time......

I've blogged about beauty UK nail polish before, because for £1.99 and such a great selection of shades you can't go wrong. However *shock/ horror/ gasp* I have to admit that unlike the other ones I have (admittedly chosen myself), I'm just not feeling this colour. I'm a bit of a magpie and bright things really catch my eye. Bright this ain't. Shimmery and sweet, yes. So if you are, then go for it. Unfortunately I am pretty garish (honestly, people sometimes run away in the street) and I like my nails to reflect this.

Kiss me quick, it's time for lips (okay, cheese factor back on form)

Usually, I don't plump for a clear gloss as I tend to just slick on the Vaseline instead. So actually, I was quite pleased to add this one to my expanding haul. It has a nice applicator which means you don't get too much product out and end up with either fish lips or sticky hands (just a normal night for Jordan. And we all know velour tracksuits aren't the glamour look we're going for). It's only £2.99 which I'd say is about right. Just something basic to put in your collection. It's not a miracle worker though and you're not going to end up looking like Ange *sigh*. On a plus note, you're not going to end up looking like Jordan either.

Bronzed look

I've done it. I've finally mastered what Cosmo and Glamour call the 'Bronzed/ Bronzed metallic look.' Insert round of applause here. I mean seriously, I do think a lot of magazine shoots are just the same looks on rotation. You're producing a magazine with 20 odd beauty pages every month. You're a better girl than I am if you can up with original looks every single time. Obvs, I was dubious of putting bronze on my lips. But I've OD'd on chocolate so I'm on a bit of a sugar high and I'm thinking all kinda crazy crap. ......Maybe that's how they come up with all those different make up looks every month.....

......You can't really see it in this picture. But the sunshine makes me look airbrushed like what them models do, so I ran with it. NB- yes, that is boyfriend in the background.Thinking what a moron I am.

Bless you sunshine. Bless you.

Elfin Excited

Major woop. As I am taking the beauty journalism malarkey as a career route nowadays, I've really got in to experimentation. Hold your horses, I'm not talking drugs or hippie flares or bondage. No, I'm talking make up colours. I thought to myself 'Normalface babes, you ain't getting any younger. Now's the time to try it.' So I saw a blog sale on nudeobsession's blog and got the 100 colour eye palette by E.L.F.

This product has had mixed reviews, but I know it's a good place to start with the whole 'experimentation' thing. There are some really great colours in there. Personally, I will never be a fan of pink eyes (not on these baby blues, I literally look like I HAVE pink-eye. And once in a lifetime isn definitely enough.) So I thought the pinky shades might be good to double as some cheek colour. Either way, the palette works well to inspire, and I know that a lot of professional make up artists seek inspiration this way (Oh LE, to have that skin!)....especially the deep blues. Make me want to go on holiday. I never heard such a brilliant idea.

http://justmakeupartists.com/articles/ways-get-rid-spots

STOP what you're doing right now (it must be reading my blog- in that case- wait till you've finished and then stop what you're doing) and get yourself over to newlook.com

That's right ladies- British, American, North Moldovian- it don't matter where you hail from, newlook is giving free delivery until midnight tonight. Of course, in this context it does matter where you hail from as it will be a different time. But nevertheless, there happens to be a sale on and you can pick up a right bargain or two.

I just shoved these goodies in to my virtual basket and hit 'proceed checkout' before the bank manager catches on to me again....

Maxi Skirt- £4
Word up. I've seen this ALL OVER excited recent blog posts, so get your ass in gear if you want one ladies. Thought this would be a fab summer buy, big chunky jewellery, maybe denim jacket.

Like these lovelies perchance- £2.99

Now, if you have been reading my blog diligently (I am going to live in the delusional hope that your answer if 'yes, of course, it's like, the best thing since cold cream!'), then you will know about the *looks ashamed* scarf addiction. Currently, I have put myself in scarf detox-rehab. I literally have a whole drawer of the things, in every colour of the rainbow.....EXCEPT for turquoise/green. HELLO newlook sale, my summer wardrobe welcomes you, £2 scarf number. Bargains, bargains galore!

Beauty ISN'T skin deep

I am guilty of spending a small fortune on cosmetics. Skin creams, blushers, nail polishes. L'oreal should seriously consider making me a shareholder, the amount I've invested. I could have bought a horse by now. Heck, if we'd have clubbed together we could've bought a Grand National winner, ladies.

But the whole point is, we love cosmetics. I love it. I love trying out new products, new looks- reading all your amazing blogs and recommendations. Why not? We work damn hard, we want to treat ourselves. And anywho, there are worse addictions to have. It's not drugs. Or fried chicken.

But I think every now and then, in the beauty obsessed world we live in- where stick thin models are airbrushed to obliteration- it's important to get some perspective. Until the day I die, I will never look like Kate Moss. And you know what, I could not be happier about that fact.

One lady who really, really inspires me; and she's not Beyonce or Marilyn Monroe- is Katie Piper.

Katie- a former model and TV presenter- suffered an horrific acid attack by her truly evil ex boyfriend. Her whole face and neck were left completely unrecognisable.

When you hear her story, your first feeling is just shock and anger. How could anybody do that?! It's unbelievable.

But a few years on and some brilliant medical help later- Katie is an absolute inspiration. I've just got her book 'Katie: My Beautiful Face' and I would recommend it (technically, it is a beauty buy because it's about beauty on the inside, so natch this post is relevant) to anyone.

So take some time out to watch the links below and you will see how far she's come.

Then go out and buy those beauty products and damn it, live for today. But don't think about 'oh I wish I could change this' or 'oh dear lord, my ass is huge!'

And next time those haters get you down or someone tries to make you feel like shit, remember, it doesn't matter. Make up can only go so far and they're the hideous ones. It doesn't matter what Katie looked like before and what she looks like now. She is literally one of the most beautiful women in the world.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/katie-my-beautiful-face/4od#3019774

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/katie-my-beautiful-friends/4od#3173454

Another Favourite number- Subtract 10

....and you get No.7

Review: No.7 Ultimate Nails

As those around me know, I spend far too much time and money on products and gizmos that I (probably foolishly) hope will one day transform me in to Marilyn Monroe. To save me from financial cripple-dom, sometimes these people will generously help me out. And this is how I came to possess the No.7 Ultimate Nails kit.

To be honest with you, No.7 has never been a stand out brand for me. Aside from the following stated occassions: Protect and Perfect Serum, that lovely green nail polish they brought out at Christmas time and the fact I am slightly in love with Lisa Eldridge, one of No.7's geniuses.

I was vaguely interested in the Poppy King lipstick collection, but thought maybe alot of it was good branding and that those shades could come from anywhere on the market (though I can't resist that fiery red 'History' colour).

So, to the nails kit. At first I was a bit like....meh. I shall tell you why, though 'tis an embarrassing story.

I have....*swallows pride, looks to floor* damaged nail beds. It's not my fault, it happened a long time ago and is, actually haters, hereditary. For some reason past generations on my mother's side have inherited it. And the great creator clearly thought "I've given that sister the fat gene, the big head gene and the un-cool gene. May as well throw in the shit nail gene as well. The other two siblings look like heaven, it's only fair one out of three is crap."

So that's how the situation came to be. Anyway, try as I might- techniques, manicures, vitamins- the nails still remain the same. Annoying, because it means I have to slap on ALOT of base coat to make them look relatively normal.

Low and Behold, this bad boy comes in to my life....

Honestly, the battery operated manicure stick has smoothed out my bumps to perfection. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous, but you lucky so and so's don't know how blessed you are to go about life not even thinking twice about ridges in your thumbs. Well make some room, there's a new cow in your herd now, sharing the grass of all that is a perfect nail.

No.7, you have saved me a fortune in nail base coat and re-ignited my professional aspirations of becoming a hand model.

My New Favourite Number

It started with THE Hot Chilli lipstick. And has spiralled in to a momEntary love affair. 17 cosmetics. I salute you.

Being a nosey so and so, I was perusing some blogs when I happened across the 17 Photo Flawless Primer and it's rave reviews.

So, natch, I meandered in to Boots on Saturday afternoon. Low and Behold- 3 for 2! My heart skipped a little beat. So I chose the coveted primer, Skin Perfecting foundation and Mirror Shine lipstick in Hollywood. And my god, do I feel like a movie star!....Okay so I definitely don't look like one, but props to 17 for the feelgood factor.

The skin primer is literally worth every penny. It's the smoothest texture I've ever experienced (granted I can't spend more than a fiver on a cosmetic-probs why). But for £4.99 this is well within budget.

MAJOR salutations needed for the foundation. I wasn't even going to buy it, but I can't resist an offer. I got 'fair' and ended up with a colour that is literally my skin in a bottle. Unfortunately I don't have the skin to pull it off right now- I have to slap on the thicker stuff in certain places. But I've got another bottle of Cetaphil on it's way to me, so fingers crossed this is all I'll need come a few weeks time.

All I'd say is get yourself down to Boots pronto. Don't be so silly, normalface, these are beauty queens you're talking to- they're already there.

no TITLE cos it don't need one

With so many new-fangled lotions and potions on the market, it can sometimes be hard for a gal to know what to do.

A simple trip to Boots has become a minefield. You literally have to arm yourself with a scientific dictionary and devote at least 2 hours.

Lifting, sculpting, tightening, blemish-sorting, tan-giving, radiance-boosting, wrinkle-reducing. These names get fired at you as if some kind of imperfect skin assasin is crouching atop the aisle aiming bullets at your poor little mind. And you only came in for a moisturiser.

Time to step down, assassin. Your work here is done. This blogger harks back to a simpler day.

So I was delighted this week to re-purchase two of my most trusted and noblest steeds. On and off, I've been using them for a few years.

Palmer's Cocoa Butter, £3.89
Vaseline, £1.89

I know alot of people like the Cocoa Butter in it's solid form , which comes in a tub, but I really like this one. As I have quite problematic skin, I don't want what looks like a layer of grease sitting atop me, making everyone think I've forgotten to wash again. This is really easy to apply, absorbs quickly and does what it says on the bottle. Which to me, knowing the value of every penny I get my grubby little hands on, is the most important thing.

I always like to get Vaseline with Aloe Vera, too. Vaseline on it's own is a real multi-purpose hero, but I think the Aloe Vera is more nourishing. Putting it on is way better than drinking it (trust me, I've actually got a bottle of the stuff in my cupboard). Great for dry spots, lips and conditioning eyelashes.

I reckon if you looked on the bathroom shelves of the world's most beautiful women, you're more than likely to find one of these two. Or products of a similar ilke.

The only thing I am a little peeved off about is the escalating price of Vaseline. It's a bloody conspiracy I tell you. The government and their damn 'indirect taxes'. They know we can't live without the good stuff, that's what it is.
   I'm drafting a letter to Cameron as we speak. You know this inflation malarkey has gone too far when it threatens to damage your skin's moisture.

A Step Too Far?

I'm probably going to get sued for this. And/ or lose all of my followers. And spend the rest of my days in a darkened room indulging in Iceland £5 buffets, like what we talked about. Code Red Situation.

I'm so sorry girls, I love you all, but I just can't hold it in any longer. I'm just not a big enough person (on the inside) to keep it from you.

It's just....well, it's just....it's......brogues.

I HATE THEM.

Phew! That felt good. It's so liberating to finally come out of the fashion closet and say it. It's taken so long, but daymmmmm, did that feel right. To hell with it, I'm going to do it again.

I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM. AJDIUEfhb mjvfujgvtjghnfdhfchnHATEjnsbrauihbvTHEM.

Sorry. Allow me to be rational about this one.....

It's not technically okay for me, as a fashion and beauty blogger, to say that right now. Brogues are the shoe du jour.

Well,  they can du jour off as fas as I'm concerned.

It's probably because- as a curvier woman (I like cake okay, get the fuck over it), I like to look as god intended. Now, I'm as heterosexual as the day is long but heaven knows there ain't many things sexier than a womanly woman in all her finery. Betty Draper would not be seen dead in brogues. DEAD!

.....To be honest I simply can't get away with them. I made the mistake of trying them on. So flat footed, I was literally walking like a duck. And I'm all for shking my tailfeathers, but that was not a pretty site. Put me in a brogue and I become an animal woman. But not like a tiger or a lion or anything sexy like that. No. A waddler.

Maybe, in the deep subconscious of my massive head, I am just slightly miffed that I can't get away with them.

Maybe years of bullying over my shape have given me a fierce ambition to defend it.

And maybe I can't deny that Audrey Hepburn will always be a style queen in hers.

Or maybe I just have EYES!

It's time to look honestly in the mirror ladies and face up to it. Do you have the legs of a gazelle? I do not. Yes bravo those of you that do. But to the rest of us that were not spawned from the Angels of Long Limbs, ask yourself this:

If Topshop told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?!

Get yourself down to New Look or another reasonably priced high street outlet, grab yourself some sexy as hell heels.....and I'll go and have a lie down in mine now this rant is over.

I'm Big-Haired About It

So, perusing the Daily Mail in my favourite high-street coffee chain (aah the life of a 22 year-old), I came across a feature. It's also on the website, linked here....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/beauty/article-1374170/Babyliss-Big-Hair-This-hairdryer-blow-away.html

As soon as I saw it, I started to get heart palpatations. And no, that's not because I'd been scoffing too many pain-au-chocolates.

WHY did nobody tell me about this?! I want one! Now I know where my first pay cheque is going.
Okay, so I know I haven't actually used this product but I've read rave reviews from fellow beauty bloggers. For now *sigh* it's back to my trusty rollers. Watch this space, because as soon as my Babyliss arrives in the post, I'm on it gals. The things I do for my followers!

All Chained Up

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY! The sun is shining, new issue of Cosmo is out, what more could a gal want?! Hmm....how about a little treat for a Thursday afternoon?!

I picked up this little beaut in Primark for £4.

As you know if you've been reading my blog recently (talking to yourself again then Saving Face...), I'm really in to colour at the moment. Probably sound like a total loser, but do I care?...slightly. But not enough to stop rambling on.
  I thought this chain necklace might dress up a bright top and some jegs. Like this number from New Look...
http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/tops/striped-loose-knit-top_220054975 which I may *cough*/ may not have bought some time ago. Tell a lie, it was a variation of this for only £7.99.

So yea, I'm thinking big hair for a glam look. But then again I am always thinking of big hair. Which brings me on to my next blog post.........

Whip out the lips

When you're having a bit of a downer, the best thing to do is buy a 75-piece Iceland buffet for a fiver, go home to a darkened room, wearing shit trackkie bottoms (possibly laden with unidentifiable stains) and eat the lot. Whilst crying and listening to some Beyonce Me, Myself and I and/ or watching Friends: The one where Ross and Rachel Kiss.
Or, if you aren't in my friendship circle (I know two of my friends did the whole Iceland buffet routine on one particularly lonesome night- so don't deny it you guys), you might want to try something with a little bit more class.

My personal favourite?

Lipstick.

Now, as you'll know if you've been reading my blog (I'm not going to pretend that anybody but me has), I love a well applied lip. Harks back to the days of glorious glamour. Oh Liz Tay, we salute you.
So I wanted to do this post to show you my own personal lipstick wardrobe. 'Wardrobe?' I hear you say- 'don't be such a loser, Saving face.' Loser is my middle name, I can't help it. And this is my lipstick wardrobe. So go back to your Iceland buffet if you don't like it.

These are the colours in my collection. I think there's something here to cover every scenario.

Back row: Collection 2000, Mudslide. Collection 2000, Cherry Pop. MUA, shade 13. 17, Hot Chilli. Barry M, 54.
Front row: Wet n' Wild, Retro Pink. MUA, Shade 1. Tesco Lipsticks 1-2.

I blogged before about the two MUA lipsticks, which I'm loving atm *cough* still a loser *cough*. But generally, the 4 I tend to go between are the two MUA shades and, most recently, the Barry M 54 and the 17, Hot chilli.
In fact, I would go so far as to say I love the 17 Hot Chilli. I should stand on a bridge and declare it to the world or something. I've seen this on a couple of blogs before and for summer, it's a really spicy shade (See what I did there?).

So not many tips n' tricks today- Just basically an advert for lipstick. You can literally leave the rest of your makeup minimal (when I say minimal, in my case I actually mean a bucket load of foundation to hide the blemishes and get that 'natural' look) and make a statement with a power lip. The other thing which is great if you are lacking in the money department *cough* ME *cough*, is that you can throw on a simple top and some jegs and literally 'dress it up' with a slick of the lip stuff. And some heels, obvs ladies. You crack out the trainers, you crack out of thinking straight.

So whip out the lips ladies. And give those oil fried chinese budget snacks a kiss.