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Sunday, 31 July 2011

Off With Her Head! (Of Dead Hair)

My hair and I are having a bit of a lover's tiff. Usually, we are the life and soul of the volume party, the envy of all our friends. The thickness we've got? Well, it's like no other.

But recently, things have gone a bit.....Flat. I don't know if it's sitting in a hot office all day that my hair feels as bad as I do, or what. And we've tried to get past this, we've had all kinds of hair therapy.

But it's like we just don't understand each other right now, you know?

The FINAL STRAW in this stale mariage came just yesterday when someone asked me "What's it like being a ginger?"

Now, as we all know, there is NOTHING wrogn with being a ginger. Hello, Joan Holloway, anyone?!

Not even my attempts at Rita Hayworth glam ar working. And yes, granted, I spend most of the working day picking at split ends.

And since life doesn't seem to be going anywhere right now, I decided my hair would.

All over the hairdresser's floor.

Like another famous red head with a penchant for feasting, I decided that it's 'for the chop.'

So farewell split ends, adios. Cut and colour here we come.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Whom art thou?

As anyone who reads this blog will know *cough* just me, not even my own mother bothers *cough* I am a....what you would call a....yea.....MAHUSIVE Beyonce fan. That's not to say I'm massive (though I do need to lay off the baked goods. It's going to cost me a bomb in fake tan to do my wobbly bits at this rate). What I mean to say is, I really love Queen B. I was feeling really down the other day about life and where it's going and the fact I'd chipped my nail polish *sigh* what's a gal to do?! So then I did what we all do when we're down on life....I youtubed Beyonce. Natch.

And this documentary made me get back up on my feet again. She's literally awe inspiring, so take a peek if you have time.....

So anywhoo, I'm loving the Beyonce, getting some of her new tunes all up in my grill when I come across THIS.

Oh right, a nice pretty white blonde lady.

WAIIIIIIITTTT.....WHat the BeJeeBErs?! That's Mrs Z?!

oh idol, I'm so disappointed. Dontcha know that your success is built on your immense talents and not on the colour of your skin?|! Now take off that wig, embrace your true self and go back to doing what we love you for......belting out a tune and shaking your money maker.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

It's Tan O'Clock!

AAAAANNNNDDDDD she's back with cheesy avengeance! (But not cheese-coloured).

It's definitely, if I were to define my pigment- a 'Golden Glow.' And it's all down to St.Mortiz tan. No, they're not even paying me to advertise. But if life were the Oprah Winfrey show, I'm doing a Tom Cruise- jumping on sofas- I'm so in love- right about now.

I know I'm slow on the uptake (not the first time I've been told this). But I couldn't hide my excitement when I saw this in my local Savers for £2.99. I'd heard whispers it was a bargain. And so I barged right in and got myself some. Mousse and Spray. It strikes me as odd they named a tan after a snowy place, but who am I to complain? Only place I've been in France is Cherbourg. And if a tanning agent was named after that place....well, I'd steer well clear......

Let me say first of all, I'm not a regular tanner. If I'm wearing it, I'll re-apply. But as soon as I get a whiff of a) biscuit b) patchiness. What am I, a dalmation?! No thanks, Johnson's Holiday Skin, you can keep yourself, mate.

But THIS stuff. This little best have baby *kisses bottle.....only not jokes, seriously* Well, it's what dubious tanners like me have been waiting for.

Now, I'd seen photographs on other blogs of the application process. I haven't included any as most of them I saw...well, they just looked like the girls had done something bad in their own hands. Not nice. Yes, it comes out brown.

But then I realised how much of an advantage that is compared to other *cough* failure *cough* tanners I've used. You can see where you've put it instantly. Just please, PLEASE, don't keep it in your hands.....

I'm more a fan of the mousse than of the spray (maybes cos I accidentally dropped my spray bottle and it snapped and so now applying is a real hassle). But generally speaking, you whack it on, leave for a few hours, rinse- Golden Glow. Next Step: Walk around tan with a smug look on your face knowing you should be in the South of France cos you are WAAAAAAAY too fly for this damn town, sistaaaaa!

Monday, 4 July 2011

Rochelle- 0 Normalface- 1

So, you're a rich popstar, hot body, good looks, scarf collection to die for. But what don't you have Rochelle? Oh, that's right- you don't have the ability to get elbows deep in the New Look sale without being papped. Or at least put in Heat's Hoop of Horror.

That's why you have to fork out like 300 quid for- granted- the most beauts scarf this blogger has ever seen, The scarf I have lusted over time and time again. The IT scarf.

So, picture this- it's a Friday afternoon. Work is slow. Everyone's eating sweets and drinking, let's face it, far too much Diet Coke than is healthy. You pop out for some air. You....pass the New Look Sale. You peer in. Okay, okay, you RUN in, you attack those rails like the cookie moster at the Kipling factory.

Should you buy these shoes? They are half price. But then how many pairs of grey heels can a gal have before she's carted off to detox?

What about these earrings? But then you've got some like, near enough the same.

And then you see it. Or, spot it, I should say (major lols at my own joke). It's like in the films when the sun glows down on the sword in the stone or something.

There it is. The leapord print scarf of your dreams. And what's this? £3?!

GO. GO NOW. RUN TO THE TILL! Do not let that scarf out of your sight! Hiss at the other shoppers as they look on enviously......

alright, maybe that's going a little too far. But the Diet Coke OD really is starting to have a bad effect on you.

And here it is- right in your very own home!

So fare well, Rochelle. My time salivating over you has been enjoyable and it has been dehydrating. But now I have a new person to be jealous of. That's right- ME.
Here's to not being famous and being able to raid half price sales at all my favourite high street fashion outlets. Let's just hope they don't bring out any more of those New Look 20% discount vouchers for a should have seen the mayhem I caused last time. In fact, you will, because I'm planning a post about it. Rochelle, read on.