Weighing on my mind

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/10/body-image-anxiety-eva-wiseman?newsfeed=true

I’ve been thinking about this article since I read it yesterday afternoon. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

I realised that for the past 23 years. TWENTY THREE YEARS. I have struggled with a nagging feeling of inadequacy.

I don’t want to be a big head, but I feel like I’ve achieved quite a bit so far- and I'm sure you have too.

Good grades, degree, post degree, getting and doing a job that I absolutely LOVE and which I work very very hard at.

I have this blog, which I hope to develop.

I have a great family, a loving relationship, wonderful friends.

So WHY should I, and should many young women like me, feel like frauds?

Simply put- because we don’t feel like we look good enough.

I realised yesterday after I read that article, I am subconsciously going through life with the mantra ‘when you lose three stone, you will be so much happier. When you look like Scarlett Johansson, life will be better’ playing on repeat in my head.

Looking at photographs of Rihanna or Kelly Brook splashed on the Daily Mail and feeling a stab of panic.

I’m not sure what has conditioned us to think in this way- like Eva Wiseman says in the article, it is much too simplistic to blame ‘the media’ or ‘Hollywood’.

For the moment, the one person I’m blaming? Myself.

We’re bombarded with these images on a daily basis, told by a world outside ourselves that we’re not good enough unless there’s a gap between our thighs.

I blame myself for bowing to that pressure and thinking that because I might have a dimple of cellulite or two, NOTHING ELSE I’VE EVER ACHIEVED MATTERS.

And it’s BOLLOCKS.

I eat healthily, I work out. I’m blessed to have a body that works, that sees me through some of life’s most amazing experiences. One day, hopefully, it will allow me to have children.

But is this a world I’m not sure I’d want to bring a daughter in to.

To think that she might feel that same nagging feeling that she’s not good enough because she’s a size 14 despite how intelligent and funny and kind she is- it’s heart breaking.

But the only person that can change it is me. And you.

Like is said in the article, the media and the fashion industry will not change extremes now- technology has never reversed, we won’t start seeing un-airbrushed images or size sixteen women with their kits off on the front of magazines.

So what do we do? We take no notice. We hold our heads high, appreciate other women for their beauty, but we remember that no one is perfect- and just because she’s got a flat stomach, does not make her better than you.

I understand that primarily my blog talks about clothes and beauty. But I want to use those things to celebrate who I am, not hide me. I want to wear those fabulous new clothes when I experience some of the best days of my life.

And I don’t want to have the nagging feeling that if I lost some more weight, those best days might be better.